Our life lately.

"At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified Him who lives forever. His dominion is an eternal dominion; His kingdom endures from generation to generation. All the peoples of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the people of the earth. No one can hold back His hands or say to Him: "What have you done?" At the same time that my sanity was restored, my honor and splendor were returned to me for the glory of my kingdom. My advisers and nobles sought me out, and AI was restored to my throne and became even greater than before. Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and exalt and glorify the King of heaven, because everything He does is right and all His ways are just. And those who walk in pride He is able to humble." Daniel 4:34-37

King Nebuchadnezzar was not a good King in the beginning and the above is his crying out to the people after his time in the wilderness. This is his returning to the one and only true King and His sovereignty.

This was my devotional today and it really spoke to me and the season I'm going through. It's amazing how our seasons of life ebb and flow just like the seasons of the earth. I have not written on here for so long because I was so angry. Angry at myself, the world and yes my Lord. I just couldn't see where my life was going. I still don't but the things we go through in life make us stronger.

There is so much to update you, my blog readers, on.

Shortly after my last post I started seeing a new physician. Finally a fertility specialist that I didn't need to get a referral to go to. An amazing doctor who knew what I was going through, understood my situation and listened. In May we did our first round of fertility treatments. We prayed. I hoped. I begged God. I worshiped. And we prayed some more.

On June 8 I went in for a routine blood work check up.

There were two pink lines...pink was never a favorite color until June 8th...I cried. I praised my Lord almighty. My creator. My soverign God who answers our prayers in HIS timing. Who has an amazing and perfect will for our lives.

I picked Ryan up from work. I had his favorite snack waiting. A fortune cookie. In a quite moment between the two of us I was able to share the most exciting thing. The thing we had been praying about. A miracle that  we waited for. Then I had to tell him the scary part. The part where this is a high risk situation. That my levels are only where they barely should be and the medication is over $100 a month but that if I stay on it for the first four months and mind my p's and q's we should be okay. We prayed.

Super summer church camp was June 27-July 1st. I went as a sponsor for our middle school girls. Before leaving for camp we told our best friends Jeff and Bethany that attended camp with me. It was a surreal experience after our journey. We prayed together. It was such a beautiful moment. The heavens showered their blessings on us. Camp was amazing. Our youth kids are amazing. God is working in their lives and doing so many things that it brings me to tears to think of how gracious He is. I love every single one of those kids and I thank the Lord for letting me be a light in their lives.

We spent the fourth of July at home with my whole family. My parents, siblings, Uncle and two of our good friends were here for dinner. After dinner Ryan broke out his cards and showed them a magic trick that revealed the news. We captured it all on video and it was again such a God filled moment of joy for me. We prayed.

Over the next 24 hours we called our close family and told them the news. On July 6th I had plans to come home and make the last of the phone calls before we could make it "Facebook official."

On the sixth by lunch time I was not feeling well at all and called my doctor with my symptoms and was told I needed to be seen immediately. I went straight to the dr. office after work. I called Ryan on the way and we prayed with our whole hearts that nothing was wrong. After two hours in the doctors office my worst fears were mostly confirmed. I feel like the clouds darkened and the rain poured down on my life. I prayed. I begged God to make this all be a nightmare and to please let me wake up. I drove home. I cried. I was angry. I couldn't believe this was happening. Our miracle was slipping out of our hands and we had absolutely no control. I got home and Ryan just held me and I cried and cried. I cried out to God in my heart to make this stop. How could this be happening?!?! Why us??? What did we do wrong??? Were we unworthy of this blessing??? Hadn't we been faithful???

This is the text I sent to our close family and friends on July 6th: "Jeremiah 29:11 He knows the plans He has for our lives...sometimes we don't understand those plans...letting Jesus hold baby Fricke...it wasn't meant to be."

Over the next two and a half days I slept. I cried. I prayed. I worshiped. I have not had that kind of intimate worship with God in a long time. The kind of holy communion where you feel like you have lost everything and it's just the raw emotions left in your heart. True worship.

Am I sad? Yes. Incredibly and overwhelmingly at moments. Am I angry? Not any more...at least not at this moment. God whispers to me over and over that this is His plan. He has such a bigger picture of my life and knows what the future holds.

 I know many people follow me on Facebook and there is only a very small group of people who know of our journey and what has been going on in our lives. I have tried to stay positive. I have cried out to God and He renews my strength every moment of every day. He is the peace that passes on understanding. HE is my strong hold. I know that through Him we will get through this. We will climb out of this valley. "Greater things are yet to come and Greater things are still to be done..."

To answer another thought question...no we will not be trying again anytime soon. We have a fire burning in us from the Lord. A burning desire to be completely 100% sold out for Him. To be serving Him to our fullest capacity. We are not sure what is down the road for us. We do not know what the future holds but we do know  who holds the future.

We would love your prayers. Many of you have sent sentiments online and via email and snail mail. We thank you for the love, cards and flowers. God is holding us in the palm of His hands. He will not let us go or cast us away. His love is unending and ohhh soo comforting in our time of need.