Blessings.

Sometimes the Lord has to beat me over the head with something before I get it. The song, "Blessings" by Laura Story has been coming up in my life over and over and over and I keep saying to myself that I should blog about it and how it has impacted my life. How it so perfectly describes the times I am going through. It came up again this past Sunday. A beautiful lady in our church sang it for a special during service and was so overwhelmed by the Spirit of the Lord that she broke down in tears and could not finish. I feel her heart. I may not know what kind of trials are going on in her life but I know that EVERY time I hear this song the Lord speaks to me. The Lord brings another piece of healing to my heart. My heart that because of the loss I have experienced is taking a long time to heal. Days can go by of normalcy. Days can show their ugly head and my tears can flow, jealousy ensues. Christmas time is approaching and I can't help but think...what if or wonder what things would be like right now at this very moment. I know the good Lord has purpose in all of the goings on in our lives and I firmly believe He has a great and amazing plan for us. Sometimes....just sometimes....I wish I had a tiny glimpse of what that might be.

Right now I am going through a different chapter in life. In October I had the privilege of leaving my full time job. For those of you out there looking for employment please don't hate me. However, this was the BEST decision my husband and I could have made. It was a horrible situation that caused so much pain and stress in my life. I had to get out. I haven't felt so free in so long. That heavy burden has been lifted and God is good and provided my part time job hours to increase so that our income has not changed. The time off has given me soo much time to be with the Lord. To really worship. To soul search. I sit here and wonder what I am made for? What is the Lords will for me to do in my life? Essentially...what do I want to do when I "grow up?" :) It's another season...a season of waiting for the Lords blessings and seeing what He is going to do and being faithful during the waiting period.

This morning as I was in the shower a humbling thought came to me. I have been agonizing over the question people keep asking of what I want for Christmas. I know really this is not a hard question...most people can probably think of one hundred WANTS. Honestly...I'm a little bit selfish....I don't want our baby spending Christmas in heaven...I want to be carrying that child. I would take every day of sickness and tiredness if it meant having that precious baby here. Then I thought...really how selfish am I?!?! Heaven is undoubtedly so much more amazing than being here. I have a heavenly father that is taking care of my baby. A heavenly father that has parenting skills that supersede mine in every way. Then I thought about Mary. You know mother of Jesus. Again I was humbled. Can you imagine what her heart felt like when her son was crucified?!?! Can you imagine going through that. Can you think what it felt like to be in her sandals?!!? Yeah...I have nothing to complain about. My God is faithful and He has perfect timing...my job is to wait.

Titus 3:6-7
God poured out the Holy Spirit abundantly on us through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that by His grace we might be put right with God and come into possession of the eternal life we hope for.

God is good and He continues to bring me blessings everyday in my life even though it may be through raindrops or tears. I know He can handle this...my job is to be faithful. The videos posted below are the song and then the story behind the song. I hope you are as blessed as much as I am through these words. I love you all. God bless you!
~Stephanie Rachelle

Laura Story- Blessings
Laura Story- the story behind the song Blessings