"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
"Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other!!! Our God is healer, awesome in power, our God...our God...If our God is for us than who can ever stop us??? And if our God is with us than what can stand against?!?!?!"
My last blog post I told you all about surrender. About giving my WHOLE heart back to the Lord. About giving HIM the reigns in my life. Totally being about His will in my life. Let me just tell you it's amazing what the Lord can do with your life when you realize it's ALL about HIM and totally not about you at all!!! I am even moved to tears again sitting here writing this. The Lord is moving and sweeping through my life like a wild fire. I recently texted a great friend and mentor in my life and told them that it feels like there is a wild fire burning in my heart and I just can't wait to find out what's next and how to spread that wild fire!!!
I have been searching for soo long. I have never REALLY known what to do with my life. The age old question of what do you want to be when you grow up has always been at the back of my mind. When I was little I wanted to be a teacher, then a nurse, then a sign language interpreter (at least I stuck with one thing), then to music therapy, then deaf ministry, sign language interpreter and then I got my degree and have just kind of stayed there. Don't get me wrong...I love what I do. I love being an interpreter. But...I have always felt like the Lord had soooo much more planned for my life. I have this ferocious light burning in my heart that is just sooo overwhelming sometimes and I just know that the Lord wants to use that. Some of the happiest moments in my life have been while serving the Lord. That light has always been there. I started young as being a natural born leader growing up in youth group. In fact when I was in YLC and took my spiritual gifts inventory it indicated that I was a leader. I have always been in everything I've done. I'm the girl that when I'm in your group for a group project I end up doing all the work or delegating responsibilities. I served the Lord in Anadarko, OK; Green Lake, WI; Juarez, Mexico; Spain; Haiti; Circle-C; L-Bar-C; Super Summer; and various youth groups. I LOVE being in a capacity where I can be about the Lords work.
When I went to college the first time...at Ottawa University. I had declared my major as religion. I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do with that but I knew that I was called to serve the Lord. Through many, many different situations and people I decided that I would change my major and long story short I married Ryan and ended up going to community college and getting my interpreting degree.
The summer before college I attended church camp at O.U. I remember there being an alter call for people that felt like they had been called to ministry. I remember so vividly sitting in the chapel and just sobbing and just feeling such a strong pull on my heart. I remember telling the Lord I had no idea what He wanted me to do. I remember writing on a piece of paper a note to my pastor telling him of my feeling of being called. I still have the note he wrote me back telling me the he was proud of me for answering the call of the Lord and that he would be praying for me. But after I left that moment in time I feel like I never looked back on that moment until recently. I got so busy with life. So busy taking care of things and just the mess of life in general. If you've been reading this blog you know of some of the trials that kept my heart unfocused.
Two weeks ago when I sat on my knees and just gave it all back to the Lord it was different. I have prayed that prayer sooo many times. "Lord, my life is yours, you're in control. Please make this a beautiful mess..." it works for awhile but then I slowly but surely take the reigns back. This time is different. It has been a 100% heart change. I have been in the word everyday. I have covered every decision and moment in prayer and I have really REALLY given the Lord control of my life.
That same night I prayed that the Lord would reveal HIS plan for my life to me. Or at least give me a small glimpse. I really believe that His plan for my life has been known to me all this time and I was just too afraid to follow it. I kept giving Him excuses and pushing it back into the depths of my heart. I even pushed my husband to follow my calling so I could be involved but not be THE ONE. The Lord has a way of getting His point across. I have dreams in my heart that I have never told anyone except Ryan and then at that moment when I surrendered and got right with the Lord....He revealed to me other people in my life that had been praying that exact prayer for me. People who had never been told my dream had been praying for it exactly because it had been put on their hearts.
I serve an awesome God. I really feel like I have been called to ministry (childrens/youth/womens ministry). I have known this for a really really long time....step into my prayer time with the Lord:
Me: but Lord, I'm a girl. How many girls do you know in ministry?!?!
Lord: remember the great Beth Moore, Mandisa, Lisa Teurkhurst, Esther, Mary... etc etc etc.
Me: I realized that maybe that wasn't such a valid argument. But Lord, not everyone in my life may agree with my decision...
Lord: Stephanie it's not YOUR decision...remember your letting ME be in control
Me: but Lord, I'm scared. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or step on any toes.
Lord: Stephanie, I've got this. Stop worrying about the what if's and let me lead the way.
So there you have it folks. I'm not perfect. I feel unqualified. I am inadequate. I may hurt some people. Some people may not agree with me. But at the end of the day....what's most important is honoring the Lord and for once in my life staying FULLY surrendered to Him and following HIS will. I am sooo looking forward to what the Lord leads me to next. I ask that each and everyone of you reading this say a prayer for me. Pray for guidance for me and understanding/support from those around me. One of my biggest flaws is being a people pleaser and caring too much about what others think. (The Lords working on that with me)
I love you ALL and thank you so much for being on this journey with me! He is mighty to save!!!
God Bless!!!
Love always,
Stephanie Rachelle
1 comment:
Pmippproud of you!!! And so excited. For what's to come! Love you! Renee
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