Thursday, October 3, 2013

The hurt and the healer collide....

This last weekend I attended a Christian women's couldn't have come at a better time in my life and once again I stand in awe at my awesome God and His perfect timing. Last week before I went I received an email from someone that really broke my spirit. A person that I have yearned to be part of my life for a very long time and they have continually let me down. I have tried for 20+ years to just walk away and protect my heart and every time I think I can handle it this person pops back up and takes my mended heart right back to a million pieces.

I have spent hours on end being angry, hurt and broken. I have believed the lies that Satan has spoken into my heart. Lies that I am not good enough,  special enough, athletic enough, loving enough, skinny enough, beautiful enough, forgiving enough, love-able enough etc. Then this past weekend I went to that conference and God really spoke huge amounts of truth into my life.

One of the speakers talked about the story of the women about to be stoned to death for being caught in adultery. Jesus said he who is without sin cast the first stone....the woman was saved. Jesus offered forgiveness to that woman free and clear. He does this daily in my life too. But the underlying lesson of that story is that the woman had to accept the forgiveness and forgive herself too. God is more concerned about our direction than our perfection. The things we do in our life influence those around us and cause ripples in the sea of life. In that story is mentioned a very rare happening....when Jesus forgave that woman He called her HIS daughter. Jesus knew who she would become, He called her as His own....................for whatever reason no matter how many times I have heard that in my life it finally sank in. All these years I have had such a heavy heart for the lack of a strong father figure in my life. All these years God has been right there. Telling me I AM enough. I am more than enough. HE created me in HIS image. I am HIS daughter. I am HIS princess. He has been there through everything knowing what would happen before it happened. I finally got some peace and comfort.
God will heal my hurts, my past, and He is already using that as a testimony. He is using my story in my life as my testimony to my foster daughters and youth kids.
Then the next speaker got up...Bart Millard--Lead singer for Mercy thing he said that hit home was, "Jesus went to the cross to cover your are beautiful in HIS eyes no matter what anyone in the world says. You are enough, you are ENOUGH! Remember that the spirit inside of you dwelling is HUGE and is always child, you are enough." Then Mercy Me sang the song titled the Hurt and the Healer. Through my tears God touched my heart.

That person who sent the hurtful email has made the decision to all but completely walk out of my life...the lyrics below caught my hearts attention in the midst of my brokenness... 

That moment when all my scars are understood and Out of weakness we must bow because it over now. I'm alive even though a part of me has died you take this heart and bring it back to life I fall into your arms open wide when the hurt an healer collide....-Mercy Me 

The above lyrics make me ok. They get me through this moment. Through this breathe no matter how shallow. The almighty Healer WILL heal my hurts. This person who walked away made their decision. God loves me. I am His princess. I am LOVED. I AM ENOUGH. 

I love you Lord. 

~Stephanie Rachelle

No comments: